What Hair-Washing Habits Can Teach Us About Workplace Conflict
- Kate Russell
- Feb 23
- 2 min read
The other day, I was sitting at the hairdresser when I overheard a conversation that made me pause. A woman, foils in and clearly feeling chatty, declared:
“I can’t believe people still wash their hair every day. You can go days between washes if you double-wash your hair!”
As someone who doesn’t double-wash (read: washing twice before conditioner), I was intrigued. Is this the secret to extending wash days? Or was something else going on?
Turns out, it wasn’t really about shampoo at all.
When Advice Isn’t Really Advice
The hairdresser, Benni, gently replied, “It depends—everyone’s hair is different.”A balanced answer. A diplomatic one.
But what caught my attention was the tone of the original comment. It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t even really a tip. It was a declaration—with a hint of superiority. She wasn’t seeking advice; she was positioning herself as someone who knows better.
Someone “in the know.”
The Judgement Loop (We've All Played It)
I’ll admit—I’ve played that game too.
Critiquing what people wear. Rolling my eyes at food choices. Teasing my husband for spreading peanut butter on already-buttered toast (guilty).
None of these things affect us directly. And yet, we judge.
Why?
Because we want to belong. We want to feel secure in our group, our “tribe.”And sometimes, to do that, we point the finger outward to affirm our place inward.
The Link to Workplace Conflict
This kind of thinking shows up in the workplace more often than we realise—and it’s a major contributor to workplace conflict.
Judgements about how others work
Subtle side-eyes in meetings
Slack messages laced with sarcasm
Group chats that turn into echo chambers of “us versus them”
This isn’t always malicious. It’s often unconscious. But left unchecked, it erodes trust, creates micro-conflicts, and fosters exclusion—especially when people feel they need to perform or prove their worth.
And all of this? It's avoidable.
What If We Asked Questions Instead?
Instead of judging, we could get curious.Instead of correcting, we could connect.
In the salon, that woman could’ve simply asked:“Hey Benni, does double-washing mean you don’t have to wash as often?”
She would’ve received the same insight and strengthened her connection with someone by inviting them to share their expertise.
This is the essence of conflict resolution in the workplace too.It’s about shifting from judgement to curiosity.From assumption to inquiry.From being “right” to being real.
So How Do We Apply This to Work?
In our work at The Huddle, we often help leaders and teams catch the subtle judgements and assumptions that lead to conflict—before they escalate.
Our approach to conflict resolution is grounded in human behaviour. We help teams:
Recognise the small things that trigger big reactions
Replace criticism with curiosity
Build psychological safety by making space for difference, not dominance
Because great teams don’t need to agree on everything—but they do need to respect each other enough to ask questions instead of making assumptions.
The Bottom Line?
Let people wash their hair however they want.
And in your workplace? Let people work differently, think differently, and be human. Get curious about what drives them. What frustrates them. What they need to thrive.
That’s how we move beyond surface tension into real understanding.
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